Sleep is a precious resource when it comes to raising kids. Parents need it. Kids need it. Sometimes they need each other to need it. However you look at it, sleep is essential…regardless of what you may have attempted in college. Here at Insomniac University we are having some difficulty getting the female student body to sleep in their assigned dorms. Eleanor should be in the crib, Rowan on a twin, and Brinley on the full in her room. How’s it going? IT’S NOT.
Ella-moose outgrew her bassinet a couple months ago and was forced into off-campus housing, spending her nights and naps in a pack ‘n’ play we loaned from a friend. Does this co-ed look hungry to you?
Eleanor’s plight is due to Rowan’s refusal to give up the crib. This was just supposed to be for junior college and it seems this sophomore intends to make this a three year plan…
Did you notice that she’s not even in her crib? This made Eleanor really angry!
The reason for this is due to the Student Housing Authority’s attempts to make the crib feel and appear more apartment-style and less like a dorm. Looks like last night’s all-nighter has caused this student to miss this afternoon’s art class.
The rookie is present and accounted for! Is this art a group project? Because I don’t think everyone deserves equal credit!
We were able to convince the R.A. to join with us in our effort to resolve this issue. He came up with a plan to demonstrate the benefits of the open floorplan. Will it work?
It appears to be a success, but did he really need to physically restrain her? I hope her parents don’t hear about this!
Or about this! I said freedom to sleep, not freedom to streak!!
This type of behavior will not be tolerated. We cannot have the student body baring their bodies in protest of our alleged housing discrimination.
To smooth things over we decided to invite her to the brunch that the Board of Trustees was having the next morning. It appears that the housing problem isn’t the only issue we have to deal with: Campus security caught the student trying to confiscate college property!
And why does this student still look so hungry? Did she lose her meal card?
Fortunately the perceived theft was just a misunderstanding. The faculty and the student saw eye to eye and were able to discuss the current housing challenges.
We were able to direct this student to the Administration Office where she was issued a new meal card. She sent us this picture of her distended stomach as a thank you. This is in violation of the Student Code of Conduct, but we chose to defer legal action due to the circumstances…
As an added benefit to the pupil our Ladies’ Physical Education instructor created a curriculum to help struggling undergrads build endurance, muscle, and fat as part of the Freshman 15 Program.
Our first-year class continues to plump up nicely. We like them big and chunky!
The S.H.A. continued to labor with the stubborn scholar by providing alternative slumber options. It appears that one of her roommates is following her bad example.
A critical step is now a success! Now if the Housing Authority can convince her that her place is on a twin mattress like the other graduates, we will be on track to reduce overcrowding and make room for open enrollment next fall…NOT.