Oscar Stew

The Tour de Utah is almost complete! It’s a good thing too, because we’ve got a lot of other news to cover: Fashion trends, war, education, climate change…the regular stuff, y’know? Now, it’s time to get dolled up and party for the second time!

Don’t mind the mamarazzi Ellie; she’s getting paid to capture this extreme mop makeover. Lookin’ hot!

Eleanore’s doing a good job on your hair, don’t you think Eleanor? Wait what?! 2 Eleanor’s in the same room? Whoa Nelly!

The kids are lookin’ sharp! And Brinley is looking sharp to the left! Brinley!!!

In rare cases, even human mothers have been known to eat their own young…especially when they’re so darn cute!

Forget the bride & the groom; THIS is the main attraction!

If an endless supply of soft-serve ice cream wasn’t enough, there were too many toppings to choose from!

What will this celebrity choose? The tabloid-news-addicted-world awaits!

There never really was a doubt what Binnie would do. Of course she would get swirl, because that’s 2 flavors instead of one…

And since there are 6 different topping choices, this six-year-old chose to get them all. Have some ice cream with your toppings, will ya?!

This, is a serious in-depth conversation about toppings:

I know that cookie isn’t satisfying your urge for ice cream Ellie, but I really wanted to get this picture of this happy couple.

“Dinosaur” Grandpa won’t take a bite out of you or your cookie, Ellie. But Mommy still might!

Hey Rowan? I don’t think any amount of shaking Kristy is going to get you a glass of sparking pear juice! Remember the steps!

Step 1: Show love for the new relatives in your life. 

Step 2: Get your old relatives and friends to satisfy your cravings with cheap thrills. This program is awesome!

“Hey Rowan, I can see your butt.”

“Don’t see my butt.”

“But Roastie, I can see Dora!”

“Daddy! Stop it!”

That coiffure is still looking pretty cool Bin-bob.

Oooh! From the side it’s even better! Don’t take this the wrong way, but you look kinda old and grown-uppish! Scary…

Did they actually run out of ice cream, or is Brinley just getting herself into another kind of dip?

What are we doing here? The Foxtrot? Moonwalk? Oh, Ring Around the Rosy? Somebody tell Kristy!

Dancing is great for people who haven’t figured out ways to make easy money, right Drew?!

But where’s Ellie? Ah, there she is, trying to muscle down half a cup of ice cream. She just kept eatin’ and eatin’ and eatin’…she must’ve had 2 spoonfuls! Thanks for keeping her dress dairy free Jenna!

Here’s a story on how strange life is with its changes
And it happened only a few days ago.
On a neighborhood street, where the fescue arranges
A playground about 2 months from the snow
Lived a girl with a bicycle all covered in pink,
With Belle, Snow White, and Cinderella I think,
Such a source of great frustration
That it caused her to scream.
And she’d break out in tantrum-like rants.

Then one day:

A-crashin’ down the street
Came Brinley unaware of the pedals under her feet.
This rage of the rage, this severe loss of hope…

Caused Ellie to pause and check out her sis.
“Hey kid, why the mope?”

Rowan said, “She used to be something on a bike with four wheels,
And she’d ride in the sunlight and show off her skills,
Then Daddy hauled it away in a manner quite rough
Removed the trainers all while I’ve been here on my duff.”

Now sometimes you stay up and sometimes you fall down,
When you find that you’re down well don’t just look around:
You still got a pink bike, a helmet and fine feet,
Get your balance in the right place and hey, you’re complete!

Now as for the ridin’, you can do more,
You can reach great heights, in fact you can soar (please don’t!)
You just get a pedal up and ya push it on down,
And you’ll find you’re making the wheels go around.

Around, around, and around.
It’s been 20 minutes since you’ve cried!
I think you’ve got it after finally giving it a try! Hi Ellie, Hi!

So every day now, just after dinner,
We load them up and make sure everyone’s a winner,
And we all go on a bike ride, doesn’t matter where.
We’re having fun together, so we don’t really care,
As long as the wheels go round, round, round, and around.

Now in this world of ups and downs
So nice to know that Brinley’s confidence now abounds.

Welcome to Tour de Utah part deux! It had only been 6 days since our last road trip, and as much fun as it is to spend 10 hours in the car, we decided that it might be fun for the kids to make an overnight stop in Grand Junction on our way down to St. Geezy. Y’know, break up the monotony and keep whining to a minimum? Riiiiiight.

Ryan isn’t much of a fitness instructor, but it was still 2 hours to Junktown when we made this potty break and we really didn’t want to stop again. So, he bravely accepted the duty of naptime inducer and hustled the monkeys through the paces…Hup two tree fowar!

Step 2: After knocking out the calorie burn it was time to load their stomachs. Rowan’s still floating! Giv’er more chow!

Keep chomping away at that string cheese Ellie! We need all your blood around your tummy!

Even Ryan was feeling the burn from all those jumping jacks. Whew! Good thing you brought your wake-up juice…Nice lower lip there, weirdo!

The combination couldn’t be more perfect! Physically fatigued, stomach full, and all the comforts of home within arms’ reach…

Kerrrrrrrrrrrrsplat. That was the sound of our plan failing miserably…

1½ hours later, Ellie was starting to look a little droopy. But it was too late to start a nap now, so we gave her the whole bottle of sugar pills. Zing!

Ok, well let’s go do stuff…The name of the letterbox near where this pic was taken is called “No Use”. It seems to me that the rock is useful in making kids smile! Score!

At long last, the pool of liquid happiness!

Hey Rowan, whatcha doin’? Ah, working on your cannonball technique. Lookin’ good!

Hey, what’s with the bubbles?!

Oh I see, you guys are in the hot tub. Well if food & exercise don’t get them to sleep, boiling them is the next logical step.

Olympic diver Ro-Taite contemplates the difficulty and technique of her next leap…into Daddy’s arms.

Are you guys waterlogged? The best part of staying at this hotel was watching Eleanor freak out every time the elevator gave her a fuzzy feeling inside…

Suppertime! What’s for dinner? High speed aluminum tubing…on a stick.

Why is it cool to put a perfectly good airplane up on a skewer? Eleanor can’t figure it out either.

Rowan was convinced the airplane was about to go potty on her. You might want to close your mouth!

Daddy explained that airplanes are put on sticks to provide very decorative shade. And airplanes always look cooler when they at least appear to be flying…

I don’t think Ellie is buying that explanation. But how would she know? She’s the daughter of a pilot but has never set foot on a plane!

After another short dip in the pool, there’s no better way to end the day than shoveling down a cup of yogurt in the nude…

Thanks to Drew for filling that pie hole. It was July 4th, and we were so proud of ourselves when the kids passed out long before the fireworks! Our plan finally worked…kinda…