{"id":5346,"date":"2011-08-04T21:56:06","date_gmt":"2011-08-05T03:56:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/oscarstew.com\/spew\/?p=5346"},"modified":"2013-05-18T12:30:06","modified_gmt":"2013-05-18T19:30:06","slug":"uncivil-unions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/oscarstew.com\/spew\/2011\/08\/04\/uncivil-unions\/","title":{"rendered":"uncivil unions"},"content":{"rendered":"

Yes, that’s Drew. Only 8 years old and already trashin’\u00a0cars…while holding a bouquet of flowers?!\u00a0How did it all come to this you ask? His collapse into floral-assisted\u00a0crime starts at the very\u00a0beginning…of the day that is…<\/p>\n

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The purpose of\u00a0our first visit to Utah was for\u00a0Dan & Kassidy’s\u00a0wedding.\u00a0This is the first wedding on my side of the family since our wedding 10 years ago!\u00a0Hooray! Both you girls are pretty, but get off the window sill now! What are you chicas looking at anyway?<\/p>\n

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Ah, I see! Not a bad view during a wedding\u00a0breakfast eh?\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

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We toured the rest of the JS Memorial building after the breakfast. I don’t think Ryan was able to convince the kids that Joseph Smith was actually that tall. Or that white.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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While Dan & Kassidy were getting ready for pictures the kids decided to do some exploring. Don’t get too close to that cave or a temple troll will reach out and snatch you! Ooh! Looks like Rowan’s feeling a pinch!<\/p>\n

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Oh Ellie, you’re so predictable. Why do you\u00a0always get so dirty in homemade dresses! It pains me…<\/p>\n

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Speaking of dirty…you can’t see it, but\u00a0somebody strung a tripwire across\u00a0here to force an early bouquet toss! Diabolical!<\/p>\n

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Brinley made a good catch and returned this orange bud to its place. Nice job Binnie!<\/p>\n

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As a reward for good behavior you kids are now going to be put to work. Ha!\u00a0I can tell you’re pretty bummed about this!<\/p>\n

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Good work kids. Keep that princess\u00a0dress off the ground!<\/p>\n

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Hey, not too high off the ground! We don’t want Kassidy to be a blushing bride!<\/p>\n

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Oh I get it now. Make Kassidy have a Marilyn Monroe moment so you can grab the bouquet.<\/p>\n

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Daddy has some great news for you girls: There will be many much bouquets at the reception! Still, Eleanor was sad to see the one<\/em> go back to its rightful owner…\u00a0<\/p>\n

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Now before you can have your flowers you all have to sit, smile, and look at the camera…all at the same time. Brinley!<\/em><\/p>\n

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On to the reception! That’s a nice festoon of floral you got there Roastie!<\/p>\n

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It may appear that Rowan\u00a0& Eleanor are comparing their identical bouquets, but what they’re really doing is\u00a0laughing at the video Rowan just\u00a0took\u00a0of Ali eating his pen!<\/p>\n

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Inspector Ellie from the FTD is on official floral business…<\/p>\n

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Cut flowers need moisture Ms.\u00a0Inspector! Go ahead and give those stems a lick!<\/p>\n

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As appetizing as licking sticks stems sound, the appetizers were much more tasty.<\/p>\n

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Ahh! Bob just got plate-jacked. You won’t miss those grapes, will you?<\/p>\n

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How rich is that fudgey cake\u00a0Drew? Looks like it’s too rich for a po’ boy like yourself who’s used to whole wheat zucchini cake!<\/p>\n

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Ok, so the next nine pictures you’re about to see are somewhat depressing. We’ve known about Rowan’s problem for a while, but we didn’t think she would booze it up in front of complete strangers at the wedding reception…<\/p>\n

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Do you see even\u00a0the slightest inkling of guilt in her eyes? Or in\u00a0her cheeks for that matter?<\/p>\n

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You must’ve said yes, because now she’s covered them up again…so much for an intervention.<\/p>\n

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What a pathetic sparkling pear juice bibber!<\/p>\n

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I’m sorry, were you offended by that comment? The truth hurts don’t it!?<\/p>\n

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Now she’s just trying to spite me by getting every…last…drop.<\/p>\n

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Are you done? How about now? Now?<\/p>\n

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Rowan had us all in shock for a moment when she said that she had started a 12-step program…which was to\u00a0walk no\u00a0more than 12 steps before getting more juice.<\/p>\n

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From\u00a0this point\u00a0on Rowan is really fuzzy on how the rest of her night went…<\/p>\n

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Oh no Drew! Not you too!<\/p>\n

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Hold on a second, you mean to tell me there’s even more dessert? The real photographer was first to get in line. It’s weird what you can get away with when you’re holding a gun…<\/p>\n

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There’s nothing quite\u00a0like a shady\u00a0spot to enjoy a third serving of cake.<\/p>\n

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Oh boy, now Ro-tipsy is standing in the receiving\u00a0line trying to blow out the “fire” in the light bulbs.<\/p>\n

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Drew could only be a perfect gentleman for so long.\u00a0 He says he was an innocent bystander and was splashed by mud…but his hands lead me to believe otherwise. Was it your brother Andy? Ha!<\/p>\n

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How great is this party Ellie? Are you up late again? You have to go to the bathroom? You want juice? Corndog? On a stick? Want to play some golf? What do you want? Oh I see! You’re looking at my\u00a0slice of cake!\u00a0<\/p>\n

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Sign your life, I mean your name on the contract. That’s right! All you receptioners just got roped into a scam! Read the fine print! We’re gonna be rich!!<\/p>\n

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I didn’t give Ellie enough of my cake, so this is an action shot of her making a bee line for the fortress of fondant.<\/p>\n

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Where’s Waldo…er, I mean that little drunk Rowan? Pay no mind to the guy who showed up just for the food…<\/p>\n

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But for being of\u00a0lady of the\u00a0sauce, she still was quite helpful! Thanks Roastie! nom nom nom…<\/p>\n

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Sorry Ryan; the\u00a0reception is over and the cake has been\u00a0carried off. Maybe Eleanor will share whatever flavor she’s got on her hand if you ask her\u00a0really nicely…\u00a0<\/p>\n

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Brinley didn’t catch Kassidy’s bouquet during the second opportunity she had\u00a0to run off with it, so she improvised and caught her own hand-me-down bouquet. I don’t think that’s how it works Binnie!<\/p>\n

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Speaking of the rules, I don’t think boys who\u00a0steal bouquets get anything. You were supposed to catch the garter! Mommy, what’s a garter? Nevermind!!!<\/p>\n

\"img_6561\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Yes, that’s Drew. Only 8 years old and already trashin’\u00a0cars…while holding a bouquet of flowers?!\u00a0How did it all come to this you ask? His collapse into floral-assisted\u00a0crime starts at the very\u00a0beginning…of the day that is… The purpose of\u00a0our first visit to Utah was for\u00a0Dan & Kassidy’s\u00a0wedding.\u00a0This is the first wedding on my side of the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/oscarstew.com\/spew\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5346"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/oscarstew.com\/spew\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/oscarstew.com\/spew\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/oscarstew.com\/spew\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/oscarstew.com\/spew\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5346"}],"version-history":[{"count":21,"href":"http:\/\/oscarstew.com\/spew\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5346\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5366,"href":"http:\/\/oscarstew.com\/spew\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5346\/revisions\/5366"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/oscarstew.com\/spew\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5346"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/oscarstew.com\/spew\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5346"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/oscarstew.com\/spew\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5346"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}