Oscar Stew

As far as kids are concerned, family reunions are like onions. How, you ask? You’re going to have to wait a little longer to solve this mystery. As of today, Drew & Brinley have been in school for almost a month and Rowan & Eleanor are down for their afternoon nap, so I just might be able to wrap up the Tour de Utah and stay within a month behind on current events…Yay!

Because of our schedule we only got to spend one day at the reunion so we made sure to cram as many activities as possible into one afternoon…Eleanor declared this swing to be awesome. Mostly because she was sick and tired of riding around in the van. Freedom at last!

This year’s reunion was also host to the 2011 Dog & Pony Show. Ok, there aren’t any ponies at this show. But there are a couple of ponytails so that counts, right? Shauna & Daisy look a little skeptical about bending the rules…especially Daisy.

Master judge Drew will now test Rufus in the skill of ball catching. This would’ve gone great had Rufus’ crazy lover Lily stayed in the bleachers! 

Well, I guess while Rufus gets owned, you kids might as well find another good activity. How ’bout throwing stones into a boiling lake of lava?!

Gather around the…picnic bench kids, ole Uncle Boone has got a scary story to tell!

“And then the one armed man reached down with his sharp hook and…”

Hmm, nobody seems to be scared. Was the story not believable Brinley? Funny how ghost stories don’t seem so terrifying in the daylight. Better luck next time Layne!

How’s your day going Rowan? Happy to be in the outdoor woods, with the breeze in your hair? I couldn’t tell.

What do you think Drew & Sam are talking about? Can you see them 10 years from now, standing around the fire, having the same manly conversation? I can!

Yes Ryan, it’s a very nice campfire, but you know it’s like 3:30 p.m. right?

Don’t get any funny ideas from your Pyro-Daddy, okay Drew? Just because he burns fuel for a living doesn’t mean he has to do it everywhere else we go too!

I’m sorry; I must’ve had smoke in my eyes. Hey Brinley, let’s go burn it up!

What’s up Ellie? You wanna go for a ride too?

Oh, you wanna drive? Sounds good to me! Fire it up!

Hey Rowan, you kinda look like a group of people I’ve seen before. I’m just saying that the tie-dyed shirt, the headband…

…The homeopathic amber necklace, the messy hair…it’s just kinda reminding me of…what are they called again? Hmmm…

Hey everybody, Daddy & Drew found mud! Shocking!

Hurry Ellie, you only have time for 20 more turns down the slide!

Ah-ha! There’s the final clue: The peace sign! Take a bath, Hippie!

Peace. Love. Whatever. That’s what I’m getting. You?

So how are family reunions like onions? They stink? They make you cry? Oh, you leave ’em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin’ little white hairs?

The answer is YES! We stank like dirt, sweat, and campfire smoke. There were some owees and may have been a few tear-jerking moments. And the brown mud got all over our legs and turned our leg hair white! Not to mention onions get all wrinkly when wet:

The Tour de Utah is almost complete! It’s a good thing too, because we’ve got a lot of other news to cover: Fashion trends, war, education, climate change…the regular stuff, y’know? Now, it’s time to get dolled up and party for the second time!

Don’t mind the mamarazzi Ellie; she’s getting paid to capture this extreme mop makeover. Lookin’ hot!

Eleanore’s doing a good job on your hair, don’t you think Eleanor? Wait what?! 2 Eleanor’s in the same room? Whoa Nelly!

The kids are lookin’ sharp! And Brinley is looking sharp to the left! Brinley!!!

In rare cases, even human mothers have been known to eat their own young…especially when they’re so darn cute!

Forget the bride & the groom; THIS is the main attraction!

If an endless supply of soft-serve ice cream wasn’t enough, there were too many toppings to choose from!

What will this celebrity choose? The tabloid-news-addicted-world awaits!

There never really was a doubt what Binnie would do. Of course she would get swirl, because that’s 2 flavors instead of one…

And since there are 6 different topping choices, this six-year-old chose to get them all. Have some ice cream with your toppings, will ya?!

This, is a serious in-depth conversation about toppings:

I know that cookie isn’t satisfying your urge for ice cream Ellie, but I really wanted to get this picture of this happy couple.

“Dinosaur” Grandpa won’t take a bite out of you or your cookie, Ellie. But Mommy still might!

Hey Rowan? I don’t think any amount of shaking Kristy is going to get you a glass of sparking pear juice! Remember the steps!

Step 1: Show love for the new relatives in your life. 

Step 2: Get your old relatives and friends to satisfy your cravings with cheap thrills. This program is awesome!

“Hey Rowan, I can see your butt.”

“Don’t see my butt.”

“But Roastie, I can see Dora!”

“Daddy! Stop it!”

That coiffure is still looking pretty cool Bin-bob.

Oooh! From the side it’s even better! Don’t take this the wrong way, but you look kinda old and grown-uppish! Scary…

Did they actually run out of ice cream, or is Brinley just getting herself into another kind of dip?

What are we doing here? The Foxtrot? Moonwalk? Oh, Ring Around the Rosy? Somebody tell Kristy!

Dancing is great for people who haven’t figured out ways to make easy money, right Drew?!

But where’s Ellie? Ah, there she is, trying to muscle down half a cup of ice cream. She just kept eatin’ and eatin’ and eatin’…she must’ve had 2 spoonfuls! Thanks for keeping her dress dairy free Jenna!

Yes, that’s Drew. Only 8 years old and already trashin’ cars…while holding a bouquet of flowers?! How did it all come to this you ask? His collapse into floral-assisted crime starts at the very beginning…of the day that is…

The purpose of our first visit to Utah was for Dan & Kassidy’s wedding. This is the first wedding on my side of the family since our wedding 10 years ago! Hooray! Both you girls are pretty, but get off the window sill now! What are you chicas looking at anyway?

Ah, I see! Not a bad view during a wedding breakfast eh?  

We toured the rest of the JS Memorial building after the breakfast. I don’t think Ryan was able to convince the kids that Joseph Smith was actually that tall. Or that white. 

While Dan & Kassidy were getting ready for pictures the kids decided to do some exploring. Don’t get too close to that cave or a temple troll will reach out and snatch you! Ooh! Looks like Rowan’s feeling a pinch!

Oh Ellie, you’re so predictable. Why do you always get so dirty in homemade dresses! It pains me…

Speaking of dirty…you can’t see it, but somebody strung a tripwire across here to force an early bouquet toss! Diabolical!

Brinley made a good catch and returned this orange bud to its place. Nice job Binnie!

As a reward for good behavior you kids are now going to be put to work. Ha! I can tell you’re pretty bummed about this!

Good work kids. Keep that princess dress off the ground!

Hey, not too high off the ground! We don’t want Kassidy to be a blushing bride!

Oh I get it now. Make Kassidy have a Marilyn Monroe moment so you can grab the bouquet.

Daddy has some great news for you girls: There will be many much bouquets at the reception! Still, Eleanor was sad to see the one go back to its rightful owner… 

Now before you can have your flowers you all have to sit, smile, and look at the camera…all at the same time. Brinley!

On to the reception! That’s a nice festoon of floral you got there Roastie!

It may appear that Rowan & Eleanor are comparing their identical bouquets, but what they’re really doing is laughing at the video Rowan just took of Ali eating his pen!

Inspector Ellie from the FTD is on official floral business…

Cut flowers need moisture Ms. Inspector! Go ahead and give those stems a lick!

As appetizing as licking sticks stems sound, the appetizers were much more tasty.

Ahh! Bob just got plate-jacked. You won’t miss those grapes, will you?

How rich is that fudgey cake Drew? Looks like it’s too rich for a po’ boy like yourself who’s used to whole wheat zucchini cake!

Ok, so the next nine pictures you’re about to see are somewhat depressing. We’ve known about Rowan’s problem for a while, but we didn’t think she would booze it up in front of complete strangers at the wedding reception…

Do you see even the slightest inkling of guilt in her eyes? Or in her cheeks for that matter?

You must’ve said yes, because now she’s covered them up again…so much for an intervention.

What a pathetic sparkling pear juice bibber!

I’m sorry, were you offended by that comment? The truth hurts don’t it!?

Now she’s just trying to spite me by getting every…last…drop.

Are you done? How about now? Now?

Rowan had us all in shock for a moment when she said that she had started a 12-step program…which was to walk no more than 12 steps before getting more juice.

From this point on Rowan is really fuzzy on how the rest of her night went…

Oh no Drew! Not you too!

Hold on a second, you mean to tell me there’s even more dessert? The real photographer was first to get in line. It’s weird what you can get away with when you’re holding a gun…

There’s nothing quite like a shady spot to enjoy a third serving of cake.

Oh boy, now Ro-tipsy is standing in the receiving line trying to blow out the “fire” in the light bulbs.

Drew could only be a perfect gentleman for so long.  He says he was an innocent bystander and was splashed by mud…but his hands lead me to believe otherwise. Was it your brother Andy? Ha!

How great is this party Ellie? Are you up late again? You have to go to the bathroom? You want juice? Corndog? On a stick? Want to play some golf? What do you want? Oh I see! You’re looking at my slice of cake! 

Sign your life, I mean your name on the contract. That’s right! All you receptioners just got roped into a scam! Read the fine print! We’re gonna be rich!!

I didn’t give Ellie enough of my cake, so this is an action shot of her making a bee line for the fortress of fondant.

Where’s Waldo…er, I mean that little drunk Rowan? Pay no mind to the guy who showed up just for the food…

But for being of lady of the sauce, she still was quite helpful! Thanks Roastie! nom nom nom…

Sorry Ryan; the reception is over and the cake has been carried off. Maybe Eleanor will share whatever flavor she’s got on her hand if you ask her really nicely… 

Brinley didn’t catch Kassidy’s bouquet during the second opportunity she had to run off with it, so she improvised and caught her own hand-me-down bouquet. I don’t think that’s how it works Binnie!

Speaking of the rules, I don’t think boys who steal bouquets get anything. You were supposed to catch the garter! Mommy, what’s a garter? Nevermind!!!